Bruceholsted.com

 Information provided by industry workers, Comtrain USA and Wirlessestimator.com.  Thanks to all.

Stanley Zarzecki

6-24-10

Philadelphia, PA

 Ethan Wayne Ray Hutchinson

 5-28-10

Mountain Home, AR, 18 years old.

Joseh White

May 4, 2010

Dixic County, FL

Terry Thompson, 51

February 3, 2010

Benton, AR

Justin Stamps, 26

September 14, 2009

Rover, MO

Lucas Tucker

July 18, 2009

Dekalb, TX

Shane Dushen

June 3, 2009

Leland, MS.  22 years old

IWe came to see you today, but you were not there. You left. It must have happened quickly as those
things usually do. You were there just a few days ago, standing on that same
ground, looking at the same hoist, casting your eyes over what seemed to be a
wasteland during the winter but completely alive during this time of year. So
many calls there had struggled for a hand-off and you were there to give it to
them.

Only problem was that you are not there now, nor are you here, nor will you ever
be, at least, not in the flesh. Your wife will lay alone tonight, as she will
for many more. Your kids will look up when the door opens and expect to see you
walk in. IN time, however, they will get used to it being someone else that
walks in, and in further time, that someone that walks in will be their new dad,
because for whatever reason, you dismounted earlier in the week and you won't be
around to do that job yourself.

It was windy today. I stood for a while and just felt the wind and looked as
the grass bent. I studied the hoist, I looked at the feedlines and the other
antennae on the tower. I tried to surmize what brought you to that point. I
stood and stared at the narrow cleft in the gravel where the gurney had
attempted to roll, only to be tormented by the gravel as it tried to keep you
close.

Eariler in the day in a tacky dollar store in a tacky, worn out Mississippi
delta town, surrounded by legions a different color than I, standing with red
eyes and a handkerchief in my hand, I bought a tacky, synthetic wreath and
sympathy card. While bearing witness to the wind and the thought of your spirit
riding upon it, I took out my trusty leatherman tool, wiped the vapor wrap off
of it, and wired that little wreath to the fence.

As I turned and cursed the demons of gravity, I could only wonder. Was it your
proclivity for morning herbs that took you? Was it a sense of courage that
robbed us of you? Was it just plain carelessness? Did a normally steady piece
of steel have a missing bolt or nut? What was it Shane? What took you?

After a while I just started the car and slowly eased on down Highway 82. As I
passed the big 400 footer behind the old K-Mart I looked up at the DB812's and
remembered the howling wind in my ears as I tried to seat those 24 foot
monsters. God knows, I've been stupid a hundred times, and I did stupid stuff
on that install, but somehow I made it through one more day. You, however, did
not.

I'm sorry for your kids, I'm sorry for your co-workers who had to witness it. I
feel for the owner, for you see, I too have had to endure the OHSA investigation
that comes with a fatality. I too have had to open the citation envelope and
have not only the guilt that comes from the loss, but the financial pain that
goes with it.

In some states (Arkansas included) the workmens comp death benefit goes out the
window if the deceased tests positive for chemicals. I hope that is not the
case in Mississippi, or at least I hope that your screen came back clean. Being
a widow surely is not fun at such a young age. Being broke in addition would
only make things worse.

I'm sorry I missed you today Shane. I'm sorry I won't ever get to meet you in
person, but will have to depend on the stories of your fellow workers to
describe who you were. I'm sorry that your accident happened and I wish I could
turn back the hands of time to take it all away, but I can't.

So today Shane, since I did a few things for you, you can do a few things for
me. Next time some 28 year old kid decides to hot shot it or big dog it while
on the steel, I want you to show up and whisper loudly in his ear to get that
decel clamped down in a good spot. I want you to help him give a damn about his
wife and three kids at home, and I want you to let him know that even though he
has hit a home run a thousand times in the past, he could strike out this day,
and this could be his last time at bat, as it was yours.

I hope you'll do that for me Shane. I really don't want to buy any more cheap
plastic wreaths at smelly dollar stores in dirty litte towns and I don't want to
stand on gravel driveways with the wind whistling by me as I try to make sense
of the senseless.

Bruce

O